A Strike Against Same-Sex Marriage

When the Christian Right gets ahold of this story, it's gonna be war. Oddly enough, no marriage is directly involved.

Nonetheless, I have to wonder how this lesbian couple beating "their son" to death is gonna play out in the whole debate.

The article doesn't mention who had custody of the victim, Jandre Botha, 4, who was born to Hanelie Botha and former husband Jan Botha. It does mention that Hanelie Botha and lesbian partner Engeline de Nysschen brutally murdered the kid when he refused to call Nysschen "daddy."

"Evidence showed he had sustained horrific injuries, including a fractured skull and brain damage, as well as broken legs, collarbone, hands and pelvis."

This is probably the time to point out that I have no problem with children being adopted by homosexual couples or individuals. In fact, I'm all for it, generally speaking. I'm just against this one.

The current "same-sex marriage is just fine" side of the argument is gonna feel this, I'd wager.

I really can't wait until some pundit generalizes all lesbians into murderers. That is a stance we can all take seriously.

Beach, Shmeech

Skyler Bartels decided to go to Wal-Mart over spring break.

All of spring break.

No cruise, no Bahamas, no ski trip, not for Bartels. He had his eye on the discount superstore.

He was wondering if he could survive the full length of spring break living in this gymnasium of a retailer.

"That was the goal," he said. "To buy everything I needed at Wal-Mart."

What he found out (big sursprise) was that Wal-Mart doesn't have showers or beds, and suffering insomnia and paranoia, Bartels gave up after 41 hours.

I think I could have made it. Consider:

- He had funding from papa.
- There are ways to catch 40 winks when you need 'em.
- You could wash semi-adequately in the bathroom sinks.
- Most importantly, living in Wal-Mart is a better deal than alot of people have. There are plenty of places which lack showers and beds, but you can't get a latte there, either.

However, would I want to live there? No. I don't see the point, and I like sunlight.

In fact, the point of this whole project still eludes me. I guess it could work for a fun documentary, considering some of the people Bartels reports meeting.

Especially the nun. Every documentary should have a chubby nun. She could sing whenever the whole thing was over.

Special Edition: Wild, Crazy Animal Sex

Hippie chimps are on their way out, according to Yahoo! news.

"Bonobos are known for greeting rival groups with genital handshakes and sensual body rubs. Bonobo spats are swiftly settled — often with a French kiss and a quick round of sex."

This amazes me in so many ways. When you think you've seen it all, bring out the drunken chimp orgy.

The way Sally Coxe of the Bonobo Conservation Initiative (yes, there is one) sees it, "Bonobos are an icon for peace and love."

I don't know about all that. It sounds like a bunch of sanctimonious hooey to me.

Killing things off, in general, is a bad idea. It's unnecessarily throwing off "nature's balance," which is probably quite fragile in the Congo.

Plus, it's just mean.

Why this point has to be based on the fact that the chimps frequently erupt into sexual frenzy is beyond me.

One has to wonder if this hyper-sexual behavior is at all related to villiagers getting the chimps drunk.

Over on this side of the planet, homosexual penguins are in the news.

Parents in Missouri have petitioned to remove And Tango Makes Three from the children's section of local libraries so that the story won't "blindside" readers.

This marks the first time I've heard about this gay-penguin-blindsiding ritual.

The proud heterosexual humans demanded that the book be relocated into the nonfiction section instead, a baffling move which only serves to increase its credibility.

These people are gonna shit a brick when the Bonobos book hits shelves.

The United State(s) of Conservative Bullshit

South Dakota is on the track to banning nearly all abortions.

Next in line are Ohio, Indiana, Georgia, Tennessee and Kentucky.

When did choice go out of style?

This is really one of those issues that leaves those of us with our heads in reality gap-jawed and wondering where exactly to begin the debate.

Who is going to take care of all these babies? Do you honestly believe that a zygote is the same thing as a person? Is an egg the same as a chicken? Do angels cry every time a guy masturbates?

Are our high-school males just a bunch of serial mass murderers?

There is very simple, mathematic logic to be done here. X number of parents adopt a child each year, Y number of children are born to unfit parents each year, and Z is the total number of children with no parents at any given time.

In South Dakota, Y will remain constant, X will annually decrease, and Z (of course) will annually increase. Good plan.

Will the families whose tax dollars go toward raising the state's new communal family be awarded visitation rights?

America should give South Dakota up for adoption.