Sweet Pastries

Go to Iran and order a Danish pastry, and the hash slinger very well may look at you as though you're out of your mind.

Or he may set you on fire.

Some clever so-and-so has gone and renamed the things "roses of the prophet Muhammad" in the check-mate of this insidiously brainless wrestling match. It's a victorious elbow drop off the top turnbuckle, buddy, really it is.

Remember "freedom fries"? Well, evidently that whole shebang wasn't ridiculous enough to avoid inspiring duplication.

I want to meet the people who think this, or anything having to do with this whole cartoon altercation, was a good idea. Caricatures themselves, they probably exist in a two-dimensional world and display pseudo-intellectual inscriptions at their feet.

Unfortunately, they can't be thrown away with the Sunday paper.

It's hard to imagine that this behavior erupted from the same planet that gave us things like bicycles, Nietzsche's compositions, and key-lime pie.

We exist in a drug-induced hallucination, and we're not waking up.

This will be my last post on cartoon terror. It's just too aggrivating.

Hussein Tanked!

The Czech artist David Cerny, cited here as "original" and "provocative," recently unveiled his latest creation in Middelkerke, Belgium. It's a life-sized sculpture of Saddam Hussein, bound and floating in a tank of formaldehyde.

This Hussein, however, remained on the streets for only a fleeting period of time as compared to the original.

Mayor Michel Landuyt banned the exhibit shortly after its release, claiming his judgement was unrelated to the vehement demonstations days before, which were incited by Danish artwork defaming Mohammad.

"I don't want to provoke people... or a certain group of people," he said.

The decision doesn't sound unrelated to me.

However, the artwork does. In all probability, had the incident not made news, no one outside Middelkerke would have seen the piece. Furthermore, does anyone really think that Hussein's supporters can become any more pissed off?

For those who don't remember, the man was pulled out of a hole in the ground and is in custody, facing a series of charges.

Imagine it:

"First they run Saddam out of the country. Then they hunt him down and capture him. Now somebody has sculpted his likeness and displayed it inside a fish tank? Well, that's the last straw!"

Not likely.

As for the Belgian public, it's doubtful that they care either. This would just be another of countless bits of artwork that some people don't want to look at. The solution should be as per usual - don't look at it.

The sculpture should be permitted to remain, not because it has real political significance (it doesn't), nor because I really like art (I don't), but because it's harmless.

All you've got here is a public official legislating his opinion.

Where's the Outrage Over "Family Circus?"

Condoleezza Rice has accused Iran and Syria of "fueling the fire," so to speak, by encouraging rage among Muslims over the Mohammad cartoons which recently came to light.

To recap - the Danish political cartoons, one of which features Mohammad with a bomb on his head, violate a Muslim tenet forbidding any depiction of the prophet. Middle-Eastern fundamentalists launched numerous heated protests and burned Danish and Norwegian embassies.

Many are boycotting all Danish products, causing significant drops in revenue.

And now, brought to you by who-didn't-see-this-coming news, the strife is being exploited by political interests.

"The world ought to call them on it," Rice said.

All in all, this is a giant ball of bad decisions and results that should have been expected. To retrospectively "call" a nation on opportunism is hypocritical and lacks any beneficial insight.

Knowing the cartoons would find their way into the hands of, and deeply offend, a huge portion of your country's business constituency, why publish them?

Reporters Without Borders, an international organization concerned largely with freedom of the press, maintains that the paper was well within its rights, exercising "an essential accomplishment of democracy."

Freedom of the press, yes, and also a horrible business decision. Now you can't sell your milk, and you've incited deadly riots, all for some cartoons that really aren't that funny.

While the results of the cartoons' publishing may have turned out unpredictably vast, perhaps thanks in part to nudges from political forces in Iran, Syria, and elsewhere, anyone who didn't expect some sort of backlash has been living under a rock.

Fundamentalists of any nation, of any creed, behave like snakes. Don't expect them not to attack.

Now, the same editor who published the Mohammad series is working toward contacts with Iranian newspapers to sequel the effort with some Holocaust gags.

Once bitten, twice dumb.

Attorney General Upholds Domestic Spying

In a COINTELPRO-like operation, the Bush administration has enacted a warrantless wiretapping policy on domestic phone calls and E-mails, and Alberto Gonzales supports it 100 percent.

According to Yahoo! News, Attorney General Gonzales testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on Monday, claiming the actions were "necessary," "lawful," and respectful of "the civil liberties we all cherish."

Opposers, such as Senator Arlen Spector (R-PA), maintain that while national security is a concern of utmost importance, policies therein must still be carried out in a mannar that upholds the law. Spector brought the specifics of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) to the table, pointing out that the legislation allows the government to wiretap only for a period of 72 hours before obtaining a court-issued warrant.

However, Gonzales and the rest of the Bush clan seem determined to shoot first and ask questions later. A report from CBS shows Gonzales responding with more claims of necessity.

"We are continually looking at ways that we can work with the FISA court in being more efficient and more effective," he said.

That's right, wiretapping citizens is too important to put off until efficiency and efficacy are established.

But it's not over.

Gonzales went on to say that obtaining the warrants according to procedure would be too time-consuming of an activity to bother with.

Following legal precedent interferes with "national security"? President Bush and Gonzales would say so. Perhaps they are too concerned over upholding a "war on terror" and not enough over upholding (outdated?) concepts like law and the Constitution.

The real question is - how much can you alter a country's protocol and still allege to be defending it?