DR. DOOM!

The 2006 Distinguished Texas Scientist, ecologist Dr. Eric Pianka, delivered a presentation at the 109th meeting of the Texas Academy of Science which amazed many and deeply disturbed at least one.

His speech, which promoted the elimination of 90 percent of the human species, was reported second-hand by attendee Forrest Mims. Pianka refused recording or videotaping at the event.

The discourse listeners were treated to stated, in a nutshell, that overpopulation is a formidable threat and the answer is airborn Ebola.

Pianka cited airborne Ebola (Ebola Reston) as the most effective tool for reducing the human population by a drastic measure. Its value lies in the fact that it is easily transmittable and kills in a matter of days. War is too unpredictable, famine can be overcome, and AIDS takes too long.

Mims pointed out some details omitted from this part of the lecture, writing "Professor Pianka did not mention that Ebola victims die a slow and torturous death as the virus initiates a cascade of biological calamities inside the victim that eventually liquefy the internal organs."

Still, whatever works.

In Pianka's view, the increase in humanity over the last few hundred years is our biggest problem and must be dealt with. He warns against anthropocentrism, saying "We're no better than bacteria!"

Here lies the contradiction in Pianka's argument: If, in fact, overpopulation is a critical threat to the planet's "health," and the answer (killing off a bunch of people) can only be reached through abandonment of anthropocentrism, then the goal, through the process of its own achievement, is made pointless.

I mean, does exterminating 90 percent of humanity in the interest of humanity sound fishy to anyone else?

My solution to overpopulation has always been contraceptive drinking water, and lots of abortions. I figure we don't need to go killing off the current population, just quit expanding it.

Pianka is also an expert on lizards.